funny cat stories 011

I remember the time when I was quite small , and I lived with my mother in Prague.

I was the smallest, most peaceful, and dirtiest tomcat. When my new people fetched me, my new Missus put me in the sink, and gave me the once over with plenty of shampoo to make me look presentable. That was most revolting, and I will never forget the blow-drying.

Then we went a long way in one of these stinking cars. First I went to sleep, but after a while it got so boring that I drew attention to myself thoroughly with my little voice.

My new Missus let me sit on her knee, and I could look out at last! Twice we left the stinky vehicle, they put a funny lead on me, and I was able to move about a little.

At last we reached our destination in the early morning. First they put me in the bathroom, I knew where to do my business anyway, I was not as stupid as the people thought! Afterwards my Missus introduced me to a large old grey tomcat.

That was BOOBOO.

At first I was frightened and shy, but then I tried a few of the games I used to play with my brother, but Booboo gave me a slap in the face. Slowly I learned and discovered what was allowed, and what I shouldn’t do, and later we enjoyed each other’s company.

The best times I had with Heleni. She was the daughter-in-law, and she was at home nearly all day long. Early in the morning everybody else disappeared, only she stayed in her bed. She had such beautiful long black frizzily hair. I was thrilled, and jumped exactly on to her hair, and played there. Meouw that was niiiice!! She laughed a lot, and cuddled me, and spoke to me in a foreign tongue. It was Greek. Many things I have forgotten since, but I believe if she was to return today, I would know what everything means, don’t you think so …?

With Booboo I was allowed out in the garden, that was most interesting! There I could be really boisterous. Only if the big Rambo-cat from next door came, did I hide behind Booboo. Booboo made himself look real big, and stupid Rambo disappeared.

Years went by, I grew a little larger, but I am still a lightweight. Booboo grew old, and suddenly he was gone, and I never saw him again. It was rather boring without the old chap.

My Heleni went away too. After a long time she returned, and was accompanied by a little child, her daughter. I did not like her, so I ran away. These little monsters don’t know how to treat us cats. They pull our tail or ears, and that is no fun, and sometimes it even hurts. In due course the little one grew bigger, and understood what I enjoyed or detested. If she comes visiting now I use her as a door opener. Sometimes she gives me goodies too.

My favourite is my Missus. She grants me a lot of freedom, only cuddles me if I want her to, and gives me my favourite goodies.

Unfortunately she is the one with the most hated stupid comb too!

The combing is worst in winter, that is when I have very much, long hair because I am a Persian cat. I couldn’t care less if my hair gets matted while I roll about underneath the sweet-smelling bushes ! Regrettably she does care a lot about it, always wants to comb me, meow! Sometimes it does hurt. That is why I refused to be combed last winter – but what good did it do me? She took me to the vet and he

shaved off the knots and all my fur of my rear, my legs, and half my tail !!!!!

Now what do I look like? One is absolutely embarrassed! Oh, I was so ashamed. Everybody laughed, most of all my neighbour, but I’ll repay him, I’ll do all my business in his garden now! Ha, ha, ha !!!

My pet hate is when my people go away. I know what’s going on when I see bags and suitcases standing in the hallway. That means: I will be all by myself, there will be someone coming in only to give me food. During this time I am not allowed out in the garden – a very boring time for me …

Once I punished my people for this sort of behaviour. Quickly I disappeared out of the door in front of the son, and hid in the cellar next door. For a whole week !!! Everyone was out looking for me, my people were on the phone all day long, the son put out ‘Lost cat’ notes all over the area, and I stayed quietly in the basement.

I had enough water, and food I did not miss while out on this revenge!!

A week later the daughter of the neighbours found me, and I had to go home.

What a welcome I got!! They were all very friendly towards me, nobody was cross.

I enjoyed it tremendously.

What I also enjoy very much is to lay on an easy chair in the conservatory up till about

9 pm. Then I demand of my Missus to let me out into the garden. She always says:

‘until 11 of/clock, then you come home!’ Ha,ha,ha!! Sometimes I do this, then she is very proud and tells other people, I probably have a watch in my bottom, but other times I can’t be bothered to return home, if there is such interesting company outside.

There are many of us cats about in the neighbourhood. Occasionally it has happened

that I have been late, and the door was locked. In the summer I couldn’t care less, but if it rains or it is cold, then I have to sleep on the outside window sill of the cellar, and that is not comfortable at all!

Another game I do love is hiding. Then everyone is on the lookout for me. The search is hopeless, because I have my hiding places and they don’t know where these are!

Because my fur is pitch black I am not easily seen. Between the bags in a cupboard

for instance, or as last time on the outside window sill on the first floor, with the window open. Once my Missus closed the window, and left me out there. I ask you !!!

I let it be known loudly, but human beings do seem to be hard of hearing, they could not figure out where my voice was coming from. I also favour a tree to hide in with nobody knowing where I am. These are my most enjoyable times.

I always say: you can do as you like with me – AS LONG AS I LET YOU !