funny college stories 029

The Dean…

Leaps tall buildings in a single bound;

Is more powerful than a locomotive;

Is faster than a speeding bullet;

Walks on water;

Gives policy to God.

Head of Department…

Leaps short buildings with a single bound;

Is more powerful than a switch engine;

Is just as fast as a speeding bullet;

Takes a few steps on water;

Talks with God.

Professor…

Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds;

Is almost as powerful as a switch engine;

Is faster than a speeding BB;

Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool;

Talks with God if a special request is honored.

Associate Professor…

Barely clears a quonset hut;

Loses tug of war with a locomotive;

Can fire a speeding bullet;

Swims well;

Is occasionally addressed by God.

Lecturer…

Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap over tall buildings;

Is run over by locomotives;

Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury;

Treads water.

Instructor…

Climbs walls continually;

Rides the rails;

Plays Russian Roulette;

Walks on thin ice;

Prays a lot.

Graduate Student…

Runs into buildings;

Recognizes locomotives two out of three times;

Is not issued ammunition;

Can stay afloat with a life jacket;

Talks to walls.

Undergraduate Student…

Falls over the doorstep when trying to enter buildings;

Says “Look at the choo-choo”;

Wets himself with a water pistol;

Plays in mud puddles;

Mumbles to himself.