funny drunk stories 205

Glove of my Life

It was Christmas time and our old friend, Kevin, was home for a visit. He’d moved away a couple of years earlier and this was the first time our gang been together since. In no time at all the beer and rum were flowing. There was lots of talk of days gone by, drunks we’d been on together and trouble we’d gotten into.

As night turned to morning the booze ran out and we turned to bottles of wine. By the time we left Kevin’s house for the walk home it was getting light and we were all plastered. I didn’t have any gloves and it was freezing cold so Kevin loaned me a pair of his. About half way home I felt a cramp in my stomach. So I hid behind some trees and whipped my pants down just in time to let loose a huge mound of crap. Since there were no leaves on the trees at that time of year I didn’t have anything to clean myself with. So I did the only thing I could do. Still wearing his gloves, I wiped my ass by dragging my fingers across it one at a time. I dropped the gloves on top of the steaming mess and went on home.

I called Kevin the next day and told him that I didn’t think he’d want the gloves back and I’d have to owe him a pair.